I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this just has baby written all over it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
