Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
