I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
