I love black thongs
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
