airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
