just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
