I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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