If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
