Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
