He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
