i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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