we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
