Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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