LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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