I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
