Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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