And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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