Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
