Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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