She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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