Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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