Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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