You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize