Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize