I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
