I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
