My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
