Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
