I just saw a hot homeless man
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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