don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
