dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
