i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
bring money and cleavage
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
