he wants to bone in the snuggie
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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