I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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