Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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