I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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