You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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