Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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