If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
