I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
