how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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