Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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