Ambien. No doubt about it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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