Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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