And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
