No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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