her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
