If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Too much gin, very little bucket
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize