The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
