guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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