Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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