I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
