your room smells of hookers.
And success
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
