I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
