WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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