i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
