Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
