He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
