We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
