I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize