remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
