So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she told me i tasted like america
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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