I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
