I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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