Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
