at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
