My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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