don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
