i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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