The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
