just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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