The maid of honor just puked.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
