i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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