he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
