you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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