Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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