I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
