Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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