Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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