At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My bed smells like the plague
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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