so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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