I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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